i think the most painful thing is that i probably will need to abandon my touchHLE maintainer status

(but i promise to do so responsibly)

i will become something real somehow some fucking how

all these useless surface wounds and accumulated attachments and for what, none of them had a purpose

people will tell you not to worry about your age but i needed to and still do, not because of any inherent meaning but because the terror at the upcoming checkpoint of life is a vital motivator, i can't live another decade wandering lost in the shadow of a dream of a younger self

i will never be half the person my idols are but i must at least be able to speak the same fucking language

there is a vision but i will not articulate it here lest you or i become satisfied with the illusion it has already been achieved. i am at step zero. you shall know the vision by its realisation or you shall not know it at all. that is my word

art comes neither from adversity nor a lack thereof, it comes from a fucking effort and goddamn commitment to scratching, cutting, scarring out a path and staying the course. i must not forget this

reach heaven by violence