my life and sense of self went through some drastic changes in my teenage years, and for a long time i was embarrassed by the contrast, not able to admit to myself how much the person on both sides of such changes was fundamentally similar. i knew i was in denial, but still

by the time i reached maybe five years ago in my life, i was starting to be a bit more chill about it. by the time i reached this year or maybe last year, i think i was almost completely chill with it. i could see that, yes, i was still the same person in many ways.

stuff like… my current haircut, the result of a long process of evolution, is actually just the one i wanted maybe eleven years ago? i think about it in somewhat different terms, but it's the same haircut. the core of that taste has been there all along.

still, though, i did feel a bit distant from my past self in terms of taste in art. there are certainly some things from that time i can appreciate, but like… 2010 me seems a lot more boring in some ways.

but now, well, i've used my one-time opportunity to revisit my 2010 self.

by rewatching haruhi, i think the distance in my mind between 2010 and 2023 me is healed. i can feel a strong connection to the me that watched this back in 2010. i don't know quite what that version of me thought and felt, i only remember small bits, but… they were right.

they liked this series back then, and they were right to like it… and of course present me would think that, because that may as well have been the moment i started to exist. ahh. i don't need to be embarrassed.

i am very glad that suzumiya haruhi no yuuutsu was my first anime.

for a while i've not been sure how to feel about the fact haruhi was my first anime… i didn't remember it well enough to know whether it was “good”, only that it was meaningful to me. the fact it's such a “meta” show also made me wonder if it was an appropriate first anime…

but uh, nine episodes into my rewatch (which incidentally covers not just s1 but s2, which i didn't watch back in 2010 because it wasn't on dvd yet, and i'm not sure if i ever properly finished watching later…), i think i can safely say: no, it's an excellent first anime.

its premise is playful but it plays it straight, so it's not going to confuse you if you've never seen anything it's referencing before. and its premise allows it to give you a flavour of… so much of what anime can do and can be. it's no wonder it inspired a lifelong love in me.

also it's just technically excellent in many ways. it's just, actually good, in ways even someone who's never seen an anime before can appreciate. watching haruhi as my first anime didn't fuck me up; it prepared me, i guess. i'm glad that chance played out in this way for me.

i don't know if i've ever outright said it, but a theme of the things i've celebrated in recent times is that “good art” is not a rare thing, in my opinion, and that popularity doesn't mean something is bad (it doesn't necessarily mean it's good, of course).

i think i was afraid haruhi was not going to be that good, because… as you may know (younger folks might not), haruhi was absolutely fucking everywhere in anime circles circa 2010. it was an extremely big deal. it was impossible to ignore. it was mainstream within anime at least

and there are quite a lot of popular things that i don't really care so much for! i'm not a snob about it, i don't have anything against a thing being popular in itself, but it's not uncommon for something to be very popular but kind of average at best so far as my tastes go?

so, yeah, it's just wonderful to be able to wholeheartedly embrace it neither because of nor in spite of nostalgia, but simply because… it's good. that i'm nostalgic about it only makes it better, but i'd love it either way. that's cool!!!

‪aha, it's funny that i start watching haruhi not long after switching away from my haruhi profile pic. i'm glad though, it means i don't feel like i'm betraying all those people who followed me thinking i'm a haruhi fan… because i am indeed one, i'm just not, haruhi,‬

ok one more episode before i go to bed. unless this happens to be the beginning of endless eight, in which case No #光ハルヒHoliday 10

oh no this is the deserted island episode, and that's a two-parter!! i remember that much. okay i guess it'll have to wait, tragic. #光ハルヒHoliday 10

haruhi rewatch resumes now, with the deserted island two-parter, part one. :3 #光ハルヒHoliday 10

need a girl to, in recognition of my achievements, specially promote me two ranks and name me sos brigade deputy chief #光ハルヒHoliday 10

need a girl to want me to be trapped me in a closed-circle mystery #光ハルヒHoliday 10

need to walk into a house where it is immediately established what type of architectural style it has and whether the doors to the rooms can be locked #光ハルヒHoliday 10

oh, does this count as s1's beach episode? i think s2 has one also. #光ハルヒHoliday 10

i love nagato yuki #光ハルヒHoliday 10

damn, you'll never guess what happened, #光ハルヒHoliday 10